A Thorn in the Flesh

"The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word,

but the worries of this life

and the deceitfulness of weatlh

choke the word, making it unfruitful."

~ Matthew 13:22

This passage from Matthew has always terrified me. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which means anxiety is a constant in my life. My brain is hardwired to worry. Does this mean I won't be fruitful? Will the worries of this life choke the word in me? They don't have to. I have a say in it and, if I do my part, God will make sure I bear good fruit.

I've gone through times in my life when anxiety felt overwhelming. My teenage years when hormones were shifting in my brain, the year before I reached menopause and had several major life changes, and recently, when my father died, to name a few. Anxiety always feels like it comes out of nowhere, but that's not true. Our bodies use anxiety to warn us of danger, real or perceived. If we look at what is going on in our lives and within ourselves when anxiety hits, we will realize it didn't come randomly. For me, anxiety peaks when I am stressed, when I have too much going on in my life and not enough support to make me feel safe and supported. Since there are underlying problems making me feel anxious, that means there are solutions to help calm that anxiety. The thorns can be cut back.

Prayer is the most important thing we can do when anxious. Even if I feel like my prayers are empty or not being heard, I know in my heart that God does, in fact, hear and answer every prayer. Sometimes the answer is not what I want or hope it will be. Sometimes it takes longer for God to answer than I want. Regardless, it will be answered in God's perfect timing. How can I be so sure? I've got close to 50 years of experience that proves God will come through. Prayer helps ease anxiety because it gives me a safe place to pour out my concerns, fears, sadness, hopes, and desires. I don't have to hold it all inside. The one who takes it from me in prayer will also take care of it for me.

Physically, our bodies need help taming anxiety, too. Regular exercise, especially outdoors, helps lower cortisol. Eating healthy and drinking enough water keeps our bodies running at optimal levels. Yoga or other stretching helps release tension from our muscles. Meditation or mindfulness can help quiet the mind. And don't forget the importance of community! Surrounding yourself with people who love and support you will do wonders to cut down the thorns of anxiety trying to choke you. I'm not just repeating what science says - I have found it all to be truly helpful. When anxiety flares up in my life, I know these things will help me get it back under control.

Jesus wore a crown of thorns when he died on the cross. It looked from the outside that the thorns had won, but he went on to defeat death and, therefore, the thorns. St. Paul noted that he himself had been given a thorn in the flesh to keep him from getting proud. Thorns aren't always sent by the enemy. Sometimes they are how God gets our attention, especially if you're like me and are a little stubborn or hard-headed. The key to not letting the enemy use them against us is to pay attention to what it is God is trying to say through them. How do we do that? Till the soil. Pray. Read God's word. Attend Mass. Reflect on where you see God in the midst of your struggles. Practice the physical things you know will help your body settle down. Be still and know that God is already fighting for you. The sower is tending the garden.

God, thank you for sowing the seed of your Word in my heart.

The worries of this life are many but I know that you have already defeated them all.

Help me cling to you when anxiety flares.

Fill me with your peace, O Lord, as I place my trust in you. Amen.