Do You Want to Be Made Well?

"When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time,

he said to him, 'Do you want to be made well?'

The sick man answered him, 'Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool.'

Jesus said to him, 'Rise, take up your bed and walk.'

And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked..."

~ John 5:6-9

My father developed vascular dementia several years ago. When my mother told me, I ended my lease and moved back to my hometown to be closer to my parents. Dad needed an emergency heart stent a few years later and I moved into my parents' house to further help them out, as Dad's dementia was worsening. We were very fortunate that Dad maintained a pleasant termperament and, while he eventually did not know who we were to him, he knew we were "his people," as he called us. He knew we loved him.

As the disease progressed, Dad needed constant care. We fixed his meals, sometimes had to feed him, kept him active by doing puzzles and taking walks. In his final couple months, Dad also needed assistance with showering, dressing, and using the bathroom. Mom and I would help him with all these things. We also called in hospice to further assist. Dad died a few months ago. I trust he is at peace, in the arms of Christ.

Thinking of all that Dad needed in the last years and days of his life left me concerned about my own end days and who would be here to care for me. I have no earthly husband and no children. My siblings, nieces, and nephews are busy with their own lives. Good assisted living and private care are often cost-prohibitive. About 6 weeks after Dad's death, anxiety and panic attacks arrived. It's not just these concerns that have my cortisol levels high - grief alone causes this in many people. In time, grief and the anxiety it produces typically eases. What about my concerns of the future? Will they ease? Yes.

Jesus will take care of me when I need it. He will advise me on what to do in order to be well and I won't even have to ask for it. He saw the man in need of healing and approached him about it. Jesus sees each of us and knows what we need. He is happy to give us healing, if we desire it. When I think of my future, I can rest easy, trusting in the Lord to take care of me. I don't need people to lift me into a pool of healing water. Jesus is the living water. I only need him.

Jesus, thank you for providing me your living water. When I am tempted to worry about the future or to despair that I will have no one to help me, remind me that you are all I need, and I will always have you near. Amen.

Steps leading down to the creek.